


Safety is a foreign word

by Mikkelbabe



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Amputee Peridot (Steven Universe), Drugs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, F/F, Human, Human Peridot (Steven Universe), Hurt/Comfort, Nerd Peridot (Steven Universe), Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-01 03:51:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8606158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mikkelbabe/pseuds/Mikkelbabe
Summary: Jasper and Peridot are roommates at a boarding school. They notice that they aren't as different as they think they are but soon Peridot questions her own actions and questions her girlfriend.





	1. Arrival

**Author's Note:**

> A headcanon I had for a while now and I finally got to write it down! This will mostly be fluff but there also will be a few nsfw parts.

“Jasper”  
-  
-  
Peridot's second year at this school had arrived and the summer holiday were over sooner than she thought. Not that she would mind. Her holidays were rather boring. Her friends lived in different states than she did and neither did she had a driving license yet did she had enough money to buy a train ticket. But she was used to spending her summer holidays locked up in her room. It was relaxing after all. No loud people, no heat and nothing to worry about. Even though she started to miss the times at school. It gets lonely after all.  
Last year she slipped into a queer girls group by accident. These girls quickly became her friends and she had to admit, these girls were the reason she was excited to go to school again. As she got out of her dad's car and walked towards the black board she wondered who is going to be her room mate for this year. It took her a few minutes to even get in front of all the people to actually see what was written there since she was rather short than tall. A lot of new faces but also common faces tried searching for their names as well. The short girl somehow managed to get in front of all of them to finally see. For a few seconds she panicked because her name was nowhere to be found. Did they forget her? Maybe since it wasn't sure if she would stay at this school for another year. Not because her grades were bad, which they weren't, because she had to move a lot due her condition. She didn't even lived in the U.S. Till 4 years ago. She originally came from New Zealand but due a horrible accident which caused her the loss of both of her calves. They had to move to the U.S. Because the doctors there were better equipped.   
After a few seconds of searching again she finally found her name. It was at the end of the list. No wonders she wasn't able to find it earlier. Dorm B. Room 21. Almost the same room she had last year. Last year it was 20. She checked the name underneath hers. “Jasper” she repeated quietly. Never heard before. Probably a freshman. Peridot walked back to the car and grabbed the bags which her dad already got out of the trunk. “Its the B Dorm again” She informed him. Not that it would change anything. She still had to carry her stuff alone to the rooms. After her recovery her dad started working again but nothing was like it used to be. They were cold to each other. The accident also brought the death of her mother with it. Since then it was different. Peridot blamed him for having a new wife so quickly after that. Her stepmom was a bitch after all.   
“Okey Well I have to leave now.” He said and grabbed Peridot's shoulder for a quick pat. “Be a good kid. No drugs, No alcohol, don't get pregnant. All that like last year” - “yup” And that was it. He got back into the van and drove off as fast as they arrived here. Moments like these made her wonder how it would be if her mom would still be around. She watched the other students and their parents. Some cried, some hugged endlessly and some even got presents. Moments like these made her realize how much the accident actually had impact on her life. Not only to her body.   
She took a deep breath and swallowed the sadness down. The rock on her chest. Peridot turned around and walked towards the dorm. So far she did not see any of her friends. Maybe they just haven't arrived yet. Most of the students arrive in the evening so no wonder. They want to spend as much time with their family as they possibly could. But less students meant less trouble for now. As expected her new room was empty when she entered it. It looked exactly like last year. A bunk bed, A table, a wardrobe and a closet. Without hesitating she claimed the top bunk hers. She opened her suitcase and threw the black and green bed sheets on the bed. Even if it wasn't very convenient for her to sleep on the top bunk because of her prostheses she loved sleeping higher from the ground.   
Peridot used the time she had alone and unpacked her stuff into the closet, hung up a “X-Files” poster next to her bed and shoved the suitcase under the bed. Her roommate still haven't arrived yet.  
But Peridot didn't really cared at all. 

At 7pm the welcoming ceremony started. On the way to the auditorium Peridot finally saw some of her friends. Amethyst, Pearl and Garnet stood next to each other. Amethyst was the first one who saw Peridot and screamed loudly “P-DOT!” Peridot smiled like crazy and walked faster towards them. They greeted each other with a tight hug. “Have you seen Lapis yet?” She asked as they sat down on the chairs next to some strangers. But the question answered itself. Suddenly the blue haired girl ran into the auditorium and almost jumped into Peridot's arms. They couldn't see each other all summer. They hugged for such a long time as if it would have been years. “How are you?” Lapis asked as she sat down next to Peridot. “Good what about you?” - “Good too” Their friendship had such a special bond that not even 3 months without any contact could rip it apart. They could have kept on talking for ages but they got interrupted by the principal starting his speech. It was exactly the same speech he held last year. The principal was a chill guy which made the endless speech a little easier to listen to. After an hour of sitting quietly they could finally leave the auditorium again. As they left Peridot looked around. Nobody looked like her new roommate. Not that she would have known how 'Jasper' looked like but reading others people body gestures said a lot about them. Maybe she isn't even coming? Maybe she changed schools already?   
The group of 5 walked down the stairs to take their seats in the cafeteria for dinner. Luckily the food wasn't so bad here. As they sat down a very tall girl walked in. Peridot didn't noticed at first but when she did, when she noticed the stranger, she felt like she couldn't breath for a moment. 

Peridot could have sworn she had never seen a girl as beautiful as this one. Is this Jasper? Could this be her new roommate? The stranger sat down on a table next to theirs. All alone.   
Pearl, Garnet, Amethyst and Lapis caught Peridot staring like a creep at this girl. “Hey Its rude to stare like this” Pearl said. Peridot's face turned bright red as quickly looked away. “I wasn't staring” she mumbled and shoved the fork full with rice into her mouth. “Who is that though?” Amethyst asked. “Maybe that is your mysterious roommate P-dot?” - “Go ask her!” Peridot looked up again.”Definitely not!” - “Come on! You have been peaking at her so much you gotta go ask now!” Peridot helplessly looked at all of her friends, all of them nodded. She sighed. “Alright”

The short blonde took a deep breath, stood up, grabbed her plate and walked towards the table next to them. She immediately regretted her decision to actually do this. “Eh, sorry?” she addressed to the long haired blonde girl which slowly turned around and looked her directly in the face. “Yes?” her Bernstein colored eyes were intimidating. Peridot felt the same as she felt when the girl entered the cafeteria. She couldn't find any words. It was like she couldn't even speak her own language anymore. The dark eyebrow above these eyes raised themselves like they were waiting for a reply. “Uh.. Are.. Are you? Are you Jasper” - “Yes, why?” So it was true. This was her roommate for the next year. “M-My name is Peridot. I am your roommate.” - “Oh uh, Nice to meet you I guess” With these words Jasper turned around again. Was that it? Peridot looked over her shoulder, towards her friends. They just held up their thumbs and smiled. “Can I sit with you?” These words surprised Peridot so much that she almost dropped her plate. “W-What?” - “We are roommates, shouldn't we get to know each other?” Jasper's voice wasn't as intimidating as it was a few moments ago. Her plum lips formed a soft smile. Again Peridot was so speechless that it took her a while to reply. “And I don't know anyone at this school accept you now.” Her smile made Peridot smile too. “Yea sure! We are sitting right over there.” As Jasper got up Peridot felt even smaller than she always felt. She felt like a dwarf.   
Together they walked back to the others. “Girls, this is Jasper”


	2. First night, Quiet night

“So you like the X-Files huh?” Jasper commented on the hung up poster as she looked around the room. “I don't like the X-Files, I love the X-Files” The tiny blonde laughed for a moment while she walked in as well. “Well anyways” She walked towards a thin door and opened it. The door was wonky and old and you had to be careful opening it. “This is our bathroom, the toilet and the sink. If you want to shower, we only have group shower rooms which are down the hallway. Uh I left you some space in the closet, if you need more just tell me and yea, end of the tour. This is pretty much all important to know about this.. room.” Peridot explained to her new roommate before she took off her shoes and climbed up the short ladder to get up on the top bunk.   
It was already 9:30 pm so one of the supervisor would come around soon to check if everyone was already in bed. They decided it was time to change into their sleeping clothes. It was weird undressing yourself in front of a complete stranger, Peridot thought for a second but apparently she was the only one having that thought. Jasper freely changed in the middle of the room and no matter how hard Peridot tried, looking away was no option anymore.   
Jasper's body was covered in patches without any pigmentation. Almost white spots crossed her tan skin. It was amazing to look at. Also her hands were both differently colored. These spots reached up to her face. Her whole eye area was almost white. How come Peridot didn't noticed it before? Jasper's appearance really took Peridot's breath away. Wow, she thought for a second, Jasper really doesn't has anything to hide. She looked stunning. So unique. Like a piece of art.   
But her staring wasn't left unnoticed.   
“Enjoying the view?” The buff woman suddenly said cheeky. The pale blonde jumped in surprise as her face turned bright red. Oh no how embarrassing. But it was weird. Peridot never really felt this kind of affection before. She never starred at anyone, male or female, like this. She never wanted to stare at anyone like this.  
“Uh do you have vitiligo?” Jasper looked up in surprise “Yes I do, I am surprised, not a lot of people know about it” - “Yea I recently read an article about it. It was interesting” It made Jasper giggle a little bit before she changed herself into a loose plain white shirt. Peridot got so distracted that she even forgot to undress herself. She quickly turned her chest towards the wall and took off her t-shirt as well as her bra to immediately change into an over sized shirt. Now to the hard part. Her pants. Well it wasn't about the pants obviously. It was about the prosthesis. Its been 4 years now and she still had trouble with looking at herself and especially how others looked at her. But there was no way around it really. Peridot had to take them off for sleeping. So she swung her legs back over the ladder and got rid of her pants. She hated to admit it but Jasper looking at her made her incredibly insecure. Jasper was perfect. Peridot not so much. “You are an amputee” Jasper just said without any real expression with it. “Oh does it make you uncomfortable? I can do it when the lights are turned off, I understand I dont want you to be uncomfor-” But Jasper immediately interrupted Peridot's nervous mumbling. “No don't worry. You don't have to hide yourself.” Her words felt so warm and welcoming. A warmth Peridot wasn't even very used to anymore. It made her stomach bubble and her lips form a soft smile. A smile she tried to hide with quickly looking downwards. “Also that answered my question why you were wearing these thick pants when it's like a 100° outside.” - “Oh yea I kinda always do that on the first day. Its a habit. I don't want that people's first impression of me is “Oh she is handicapped” you know.” - “I see your point. Are you going to wear shorts tomorrow?” - “Definitely” They both laughed. It was a nice atmosphere. Very calm and relaxing. The short haired blonde released herself from the Prosthesis and placed them next to the bed so she could grab them easily in the morning. She would probably never admit it but all in all she was pretty proud of herself. Proud of her improvement and also proud about how the big scar on her stumps healed. It looked so horrible after the accident but now its getting very smooth.   
“Do you think I look weird?”  
“No I think you look great”

-

The lights were out and the supervisor already checked all the rooms as Jasper suddenly said “Do you sometimes get homesick?” Peridot had to think about it for a moment. Were she? She remembered a time were she was. When they just moved to the U.S. But was it really homesickness? What is a home anyways? She used to get homesick when her mother was still alive. But that time has passed. “Not really, maybe it is because I already moved a lot. Why? Are you homesick right now?” - “Kinda” Jasper sighed out loud. Her words made Peridot wonder how Jasper's home was like. She wondered what it's like to miss being at home. To miss your parents and your siblings. As a child she couldn't wait to get home. To hear the soft voice of her mother and to receive warm hugs. She had memories to these moments but no memories to the feeling. “Peridot where are you from?” - “What?” . “You said you moved a lot and your accent isn't very American.” - “Oh yea uh I am from New Zealand.” - “Wow, I have never been oversea before.” Jasper slowly got up and turned on the flashlight on her phone so they could see each other. Even in such a bad lightning and without any makeup Jasper still looked stunning. “What is your home like?” This question made Jasper smile and she started to talk and talk. She talked about her sister, Rose, about her parents, about their house and she also talked a lot about her friends. And while she talked, her eyes sparkled and were filled with memories. Peridot loved every stupid story Jasper told her. She loved every second of Jasper talking to her. It was such a strange feeling. 

-

A loud crash and suddenly silence. She couldn't hear, She couldn't feel. “Mum?” Her voice shaky and broken. The small pale hand reached out to grab the shoulder of her mother. She tried waking her up with her weak pushes. “Mum please..” The white hand turned blood red. She was scared and lost. The weak pushes made the brunettes head fall to its side. It was covered in blood, her head was cracked open and one eye hang out of its socket. Suddenly another loud crash and everything turned pitch black. Darkness. 

-

Peridot's own scream woke her up from her horrible nightmare. Her breath was heavy and she had a hard time breathing. No No! Her body felt weak and numb at the same time. “Mom please!” She cried quietly. Nightmares like this made her forget reality. She forgot that there was nothing she could change now. She wanted to go see her mother. See if she is okay. The shaking body crawled up to the ladder and stumbled her way down. Nightmares like these made her forget what also happened to her own body. She slipped from one of the steps and fell down on the hard floor. She felt lost and scared. She felt as alone as she felt when she woke up from the coma. Everything gone and everything is different. She cried helplessly.  
Suddenly warm hands covered her shoulders. “Peridot, whats wrong, what happened?” The worried voice took away the feeling of loneliness. “No Go away Don't look at me!” she tried to free herself but failed miserably. “Peridot calm down it's me.” Her voice suddenly sounded so familiar again. Jasper. This is the reality. She couldn't change anything about what happened in her dream anymore. “I am sorry.. Go back to sleep” Peridot cried, again trying to push Jasper away but Jasper wouldn't let her. “I am not leaving you alone like this” - “No It's okay.. J-Just go to sleep again.” She was embarrassed. Embarrassed that Jasper had to see her like this. Even though Peridot knew that she didn't want to be alone right now. She wanted Jasper to stay and comfort her at least for this very moment.   
Warm arms suddenly made their way around the small shaky body and pulled it close to a warm chest. “It's okay. You are not alone.” Jasper softly stroke over Peridot's sweaty back while she lifted her up from the ground to put her back to bed. It only lasted a few moments but being in Jasper's arm really had it's effect on Peridot. She felt so safe for a moment. So safe and welcome like she didn't felt in ages. Her body slowly relaxed again. Peridot felt like she had to apologies to Jasper. Apologies that she woke her up but every time their eyes crossed their ways, It was a matter of course that She was there.

What an adventurous first night.


	3. This is an ordinary life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fixed the problem with the paragraphes. I hope this is better now! (someone texted me on Tumblr and I hope this is better for you now anon!)

“I am sorry I woke you up last night.”  
“Don't worry about it.”

-

The first 2 weeks already have passed and the normal school routine settled in. Peridot wasn't very lucky with her teachers for this school year but neither was Jasper. They had a lot of classes together. But on the positive side, being in class with Jasper made it a little more bearable. In these 2 weeks they grew close to each other as well as with the other girls in Peridot's little group. Jasper became a part of this group and Peridot felt like Jasper opened up a little more every day. They laughed and joked a lot but also always studied together. School was important for Peridot. Not so much for Jasper. She didn't cared about homework or studying for exams much but Peridot made her. Peridot wanted Jasper to have good grades. She didn't know why but she felt like she owned Jasper something since that very first night. 

Studying was the topic of today as well. As every Friday. It was 'tradition' for the little group to drive to the next fast food restaurant and study there the stuff from the last couple of days. Garnet had a car which was very convenient.   
“SHOTGUN!” Amethyst immediately screamed as they walked towards the parking lot. It wasn't a surprise. Amethyst was the ultimate shotgun queen. Usually Peridot always had to sit between Lapis and Pearl since she was the smallest so the middle seat was always hers but as they stood in front of the car everybody noticed the problem. The car had 5 seats. They were 6 girls.   
“Well I guess somebody has to sit on someones lap” Garnet said while she unlocked the car. Everybody knew it wasn't 'somebody'. It was Peridot. After all she was the lightest so she could be carried by everyone. “Hey P-dot, you can sit on my lap” Amethyst seductively said and were already about to grab Peridot's hand. “Definitely not! You will drop me!” Car rides already made her anxious but car rides AND no save seat? No way! “I am sorry guys but I don't think I can do this!” They looked at each other for a while. “Why don't you sit on Jasper's lap? I am pretty sure the big beef can secure you.” Peridot's cheeks colored themselves in a soft pinkish blush while she looked up to Jasper. Their eyes crossed their ways and locked in for a moment. 

“You better hold me tightly!” The blonde warned Jasper while she climbed on your lap. It was awkward but there was no other option really. She slowly let herself down on the big thighs. “Am I too heavy?” She turned her head to look into Jasper's face but just got a “Are you kidding me” glance in return. Two different colored hands slowly made their way around Peridots waist and came together in front of Peridot's stomach. They pulled her even a little close to the warm chest behind her. That feel of safety for just a few seconds.. like that night.   
The sudden loud engine of the car interrupted Peridot's thoughts. “Oh my stars..” She whispered anxious. Garnet drove the car out of the parking lot onto the street. This is where the fun begins. Amethyst turned up the music and started singing to it. Soon Lapis, Pearl and Garnet also tuned in. Usually Peridot would have too but sitting here on Jasper's lap with no safety belt on didn't really gave her the right vibe to it. She was shaking and kept holding onto Jasper's hands in order to hold herself as soon as Garnet drove over an uneven part of the street. They were pretty far out on the countryside so that was unpreventable.   
Jasper obviously noticed her anxious friend. One of her fingers softly stroke over the pale thigh. “Don't worry, I got you. I won't let anything happen to you.” She whispered and pulled her a little closer. “Promise me” - “I promise” They crossed their pinkys and they remained that way for the next 15 minutes of the car ride. 

 

Together they sat down at one of the tables outside the fast food restaurant. Everybody with their own tray but they ended up sharing 3, simply because there was no space for 6 trays and their school books on that table. “Man I wish we wouldn't always come here for studying” Amethyst complained as she took a big bite out of her burger. Yes it was true. This food was a nice change to the food they got in school. Peridot agreed on that and shoved a few fries at once in her mouth while she opened her text book. “So” Garnet lifted herself up to check if everybody had something to do. She really was the fairy squad mother after all. “Let's get working” 

20 Minutes into 'homework and chill' already was enough, Peridot thought for a moment. Her head was hurting from the heat and the difficult chemistry text she had to analyze. “Uff” she groaned quietly and stretched her arms in the air. Sitting like this was so uncomfortable after all. “Hey Beefy can I-” “I said stop calling me like this” Jasper answered annoyed while she wrote down another sentence for her essay. “Okay sorry. But can I like..” She slowly leaned her head against the muscular upper arm next to her. That is way better “Just for a few moments” The blonde felt the big girl looking at her for a few seconds before she started to giggle a little bit. “Sure.” 

Almost 2 hours later, nobody was studying anymore. Lapis and Pearl were listening to music together and held hands goofly. Amethyst already gave up 45 minutes ago and just rested her head on the table since then. The two blondes remained in that position with Peridot resting her head on Jasper's shoulder but by now her head was more on Jasper's collarbone. They moved closer so Peridot could sit more comfortable and Jasper could watch her playing Animal Crossing on her Nintendo. “Look this is Bianca, She looks just like you!” Peridot pointed out at the cartoonish tigress. “No what? She doesn't!” 

 

-

Back at the campus, they decided to throw a little party in the night, with party they meant all of them sitting together and playing stupid drinking games, so the two blondes went back to their rooms to get ready for that so called party. Also with getting ready they meant Jasper redrawing her eyeliner and both of them changing into something fresh since the last batch of clothes was already sweaty.   
Just as Jasper pulled the fresh shirt over her chest her phone suddenly began to ring. Her face suddenly turned completely pale as she saw the number. “Eh I gotta take this call.” She quickly walked into the bathroom and locked the door behind her. Jasper was talking quietly so Peridot couldn't hear her but one thing she heard loud and clearly was: “I told you, you will get the money when I have it!” 

For a moment, she questioned if she really knew the person who she was roommates with, but she tried settling that thought down with a calm “It isn't your business anyways.”

 

-

“Raise your glass to freedom!” - “Something they can never take away!” Since they watched Hamilton last year in the theater this were their traditional drinking startup sentence. Even though this wasn't their first bottle they emptied tonight but finally the bottle to play some good old truth or dare. Usually Peridot would never ever play it with these girls because their dare tasks and their truth questions were always so mean! But now, Peridot was tipsy enough for this game. It started out slowly with questions like “Tell us about your first time” or “What is the dirtiest dream you had” but soon they had to take the dare tasks. Wild. Lapis started with taking off her shirt, Garnet her pants and Jasper her bra.  
Luckily the tiny blonde didn't had to do any mean tasks or answer any questions so far since the bottle never pointed at her. But her luck was only temporary.   
Then just as she thought Amethyst spin could never stop at her feet, It did. Fuck she thought. Amethyst really was into this stupid game and really into embarrassing everybody. “Dare BUT I am not making out with you Amethyst!” - “Aw man!” The Latina sighed but she immediately had a mean grin on her face. Oh Oh. “Make out with Jasper instead.”   
Peridot's face turned bright red. With Jasper? “Or you have to drink 4 shots!” She didn't know if she could handle 4 more shots so there was only one option left.   
She slowly swung herself over Jasper's legs and looked her straight in the face. She got a soft drunk smile in return.   
It made her smile as well. While her hands slowly reached out to Jasper's face to place them on her warm cheeks, she felt a big hand softly stroke over the back of her thigh. It felt like a firework on her skin. She had to catch her breath for a moment.   
“Can I kiss you?” - “Yes.”   
And so they did. As their lips met it felt like an explosion in Peridot's mouth. Her first kiss, she thought but there was no time for thinking. Jasper took the lead and slipped her tongue into the other girls mouth. It surprised Peridot that she suddenly let out a quiet moan. She could feel Jasper grinning. The other tongue in her mouth tasted sweet from the strawberry sparkling wine but bitter from the vodka.   
Her whole body heated up and the wish, that have never been there before, that Jasper would do more with her crawled up Peridot's mind. She didn't even cared about the others watching them anymore.   
This kiss felt like hell and heaven at the same time.


	4. Here comes a thought

They drank until there was no booze left, until there was no thought to kill anymore, until there was no time and space anymore.   
At 3 am. The group started to break apart. Everyone was tired and wanted to go back to the dorms. Everyone but Peridot. She didn't want to go back to normal yet. Not now. There were things to say and things to talk about. Unusual and uncomfortable things.   
She softly grabbed Jasper's giant hand and pulled her in the desired direction.   
“I want to show you something.” 

Something very special, something Jasper probably wouldn't even care about if anyone else would have showed her but Peridot deeply hoped she would care now.   
Together, drunk as they were, they stumbled up a small hill, A small hill behind the school, and laid down on the wet grass.   
As they looked up and stared up to the clear dark sky Peridot hoped Jasper would see it. Would see the 'something'.   
And after a few minutes she did. “Wow” She whispered. This really was something.  
The sky was so clear that night that not even a single star could hide. The bright stars were dancing in formation, trying to show everyone their pictures.   
Peridot stretched out her arm. “Do you see that?” She drew the lines with her index finger in the air. “That's the big dipper. Ow and there, that's almost a Scorpio!” Star constellations were something so unique and incredible, what a pity that not everyone admired them the same way as Peridot did.   
“Scorpio is my zodiac sign.” Peridot turned her head in surprise and noticed Jasper haven't been looking up in the sky at all. All she did was look at her. “What a coincidence, huh.”   
They looked at each other for a while. Peridot studied Jasper's face. By now her eyeliner was smeared again and creased underneath her eyelid, her nose was a little crocked to the left side and she had a scar on it. A very light one which was barely visible until the right light shone onto it. This was the right light. Barely any light.   
She enjoyed the discovery of the other girl's face until that one broke away from that contact. Now she looked up into the sky and so did Peridot again.   
They didn't talked for an eternity.  
“Can I hold your hand?”  
The sudden rough voice asked.   
“Sure”  
Their hands crossed their ways between them. Warm long fingers met short cold ones.  
It felt so good, so incredibly good. 

“What are you thinking about, Jasper?” Peridot often wondered what kind of thoughts rushed through the big girls brain. What kind of worries, what kind of insecurities and what kind of happiness. What was she thinking about? Especially now. In this moment. In a moment where there was no distraction. A moment where every thought was able to enter the brain. Bad or good.   
“A lot. I am thinking about the stuff I have done and the stuff I have to do. I am thinking about the problems I have pushed away for so long that they now have become so unbearable.”   
The big hand squeezed the smaller one and so did the smaller one in return. Peridot wanted to give Jasper the safety she obviously needed. The safety that this is a save place and she was a save person to talk to.   
“Do these thoughts scare you?”  
“Yes. I made a lot of mistakes.”  
Peridot remembered the phone call. She owed somebody money. And apparently a big amount of money. What did she do? The tiny blonde didn't know what to say. Should she say something comforting? Probably. But what do you say in a moment like this? In a moment where you know that these simple words would not do a difference and that they would not help. Were there any right words for something like this?   
So she didn't said anything, It made her worry. Worry about their friendship. Worry about Jasper's trust.   
“I am sorry, I shouldn't complain. People have it worse than I do.”   
And suddenly Peridot couldn't contain herself. These words. She heard them so often. So often. After the accident. From the people she cared most about and herself. 'people have it worse than you do'.  
“No Jasper No!” She turned her face to her opposite. “Do not think like this. This isn't how things get better. This isn't even how things can evolve!” She squeezed the warm big hand between her fingers so much that didn't even know if she wanted to give the support to Jasper or give it to herself. “I know it is hard Jasper. Probably nobody can understand you as much as I can. I know what it is like to be different. To wake up and nothing is like it used to be.” Peridot's sudden loud voice surprised Jasper a lot. Peridot sat up. “If you keep thinking People have it worse than you do nothing works. You can't even give yourself an opportunity to change.” Her heart ached as she said these words. She could hear the voice of her dad in the back of her head.   
'People have it worse than you do.'   
She felt so miserable for a moment.   
Their hands unlocked and Peridot tried to cover her face in panic.  
She remembered what it felt like waking up from the coma and being alone. Being confused and scared. Not knowing what happened but knowing everything is different. 

“Its okay.”   
The warm hand softly stroke over her shaking back.   
Peridot caught her breath. She wasn't alone. Not as alone as she were on that day.   
“What I was trying to say was.. Don't let your own thoughts tell you want to do. Because if that is what worries you, Nobody has it worse than you do. If I would have listened to these thoughts I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't sit here with you. I wouldn't even be able to walk. After the accident I had to learn how to walk again. Things might seem bad at the moment but they can only change if you let them change. If you face them and work on them. No matter how big and hard they are.” She looked down on her artificial legs.   
“You don't have to be alone with them. I know what it's like to face unbearable problems.”   
The soft stroking stopped for a moment. Was that too much? Did she took it too far?

“Peridot.. What was the accident like?”  
Nobody ever really asked about the accident. It was a topic a lot of people were too scared to ask about. Peridot understood why and she didn't blamed them. Peridot was good at bottling up things. 

“I barely remember it. We sat in a car. My mum and me and we waited for my dad to come back. He was buying some snacks at a shop for our long trip home. I was laying at the back, playing with my Nintendo and suddenly everything went pitch black. I could only hear a loud crash. I was numb. I didn't felt any pain. Later on the police told me that a drunk truck driver crashed into our car. I was lucky, I survived. My mother didn't and so didn't our family.”   
Peridot talked about it like it was a story in a book. Something so surreal. Something so incredible Jasper wasn't even able to imagine what it would be like.   
“I feel guilty about barely remembering the moment my mother died even though I was right behind her.”  
She felt guilty that she didn't cried when she was talking about it. She couldn't. It felt like she lost all her tears that day. 

Suddenly the big body next to her sat up and laid her warm arms around the tiny blonde, pulling her a bit closer. Jasper's forehead softly bumped against Peridot's head. 

“Let's be a team. Just you and me. Like Bonnie and Clyde.”   
"Like Bonnie and Clyde."


End file.
